The half-and-half scarf: the unacceptable yet unavoidable football match day accessory

Football is a battle. Two sets of 11 players attacking one another each other with a size five piece of thermoplastic polyurethane. So I don’t care if this is your first visit to the Bernabeu, you can’t watch this figurative war wearing two tribes’ colours. It's the footballing equivalent of putting milk in your tea cup before hot water.

This season I’ve watched my team play competitive fixtures in Europe against two historic clubs, in two iconic stadiums. But I was completely unmoved when confronted with the souvenir half-and-halves (€20 a pop). 

Are there seriously enough neutrals and tourists at football matches in 2023/24 to motivate a half-and-half vendor to stand outside Craven Cottage ahead of a mid-week Carabao Cup game and flog Fulham-Norwich half-and-half scarves!? Who are these people?

A recent poll on FourFourTwo's X page found just 8.4% of people in favour of their existence. 

What happens to a half-and-half scarf after the match it’s been bought at is over? Surely it’s not worn in public? Is it adorned proudly for the return fixture? Displayed in the house? Let’s be honest here, they’re expensive shreds of extra loft insulation at best.

Why choose half-and-half when most good scarf vendors will sell traditional football scarves? Heck, scarf production technology in the modern era means you can even have your neck warmed by a piece of material sporting the face of your favourite player or manager. I guess we officially live in the future now.

Why opt for a scarf with the opposition’s badge and colours? It makes no sense. Then again, modern football doesn’t deal much in the orthodox. Just like VAR, and ‘can I have your shirt’ signs, half-and-half scarves have their feet so far under the table of football culture now, I fear they aren’t going anywhere.

The epidemic is spreading: half-and-halves were being sold outside Alexandra Palace during the World Championship Darts recently, an event where fancy dress is encouraged. Perhaps half-and-halves have finally found their natural home. 

There’s more questions than answers. I don’t even feel comfortable putting them in the same category as VAR and shirt signs. For me, they sit with selfie sticks and Joey Barton. Football is better off without them.

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